she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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