I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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