sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
