I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
