I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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