but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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