No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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