They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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