This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
