Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
