A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
