how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't put those talents on a resume
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
