i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
