I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
be right there i have to get my cape
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
