just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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