That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
