just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
