It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
