Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My bed smells like the plague
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
