Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
