If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
