is your mom at the bar?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
