I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
