i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Randomize
