My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
