Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize