i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
