She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
