I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
