he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
