I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
