i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
