Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
