girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
