dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize