it hurts more in the daytime
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
