I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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