I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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