i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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