I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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