I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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