look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
