the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
