Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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