I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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