he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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