all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
