i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
