i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Im part way to drunk.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
