i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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