So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
