HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
