oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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