he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
