I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
