I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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