Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
