I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
