he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize