You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
