I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
