You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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