In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
