so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
