I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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