I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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