so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
