I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
