at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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