Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
