One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
