Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize