I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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