After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize