I'm really into asian looking animals
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
