We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
