her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
