so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
