so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
