Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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