Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
