I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
