Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize