We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
