I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize