the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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