you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
