I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
