I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
