the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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