that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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