i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
