did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
