I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize