i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
