please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
