He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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