She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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