Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
