Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
