I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
