Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
