dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We need to get me chipped asap
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize