he fucked my hip out of place.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
