I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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