Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
