What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
